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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25436455">Guardian for a Guardian</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starlight_fallen/pseuds/Starlight_fallen'>Starlight_fallen</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman &amp; Terry Pratchett</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, Angsty Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale Loves Crowley (Good Omens), Crowley Loves Aziraphale (Good Omens), Depressed Aziraphale (Good Omens), Forehead Kisses, Love Confessions, M/M, No beta we fall like Crowley, Post-Episode: Good Omens: Lockdown, South Downs Cottage (Good Omens), Touch-Starved</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 07:07:38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>11,407</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25436455</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starlight_fallen/pseuds/Starlight_fallen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>July took far too long to come for Aziraphale after Crowley said he was sleeping until the lockdown ended. When July rolled around and Crowley kept sleeping, Aziraphale was upset. He regretted not letting Crowley come to the bookshop to wait out the lockdown but he also knew he couldn’t impose himself on Crowley for such a long, undetermined time. When August rolled around and still no response from Crowley, Aziraphale slipped further into his own head until he couldn’t stand it anymore. </p><p>Crowley wakes up and realizes that Aziraphale needed him and now needs to show his stubborn angel that he can be there for him too. </p><p>Sometimes even angels need a guardian angel themselves.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Aziraphale &amp; Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>54</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>152</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Silent Agony</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I needed to take a long break from my other series, it started dragging up way too much that I couldn’t deal with so it’s on a hiatus for now. I will complete it, but right now, I need to get away from that headspace. </p><p>This story will be a little angsty, dealing with the depression that set in from this pandemic. It will have anxiety, depression, isolation, and a bit of fighting but nothing too big. It will have a LOT of fluff and love after the angsty bits.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Aziraphale had a handmade calendar that he had been gifted by a lovely person in the 1990s that he absolutely adored. It had the months carved elegantly on the left side with a pointer to indicate the month. It even had angel wings on both sides of the entire calendar. The days could be indicated by little blocks with numbers 0-9 carved into the two blocks. Aziraphale adored the calendar and refused to use anything as uninspiring as technology like Crowley insisted. </p><p>As he switched the pointer from July to August, he felt a very unangelic feeling settle in his chest. He was hurt and angry that Crowley would leave him this alone after being in almost constant contact for over 12 years. He knew he shouldn’t blame Crowley, he did offer to spend the lockdown with him at the bookshop, after all, but he didn’t want to impose himself on Crowley for such an unknown amount of time, especially with them being trapped in the bookshop all the time. </p><p>Sighing, he turned away from his calendar and settled back in his armchair and picked up his book that he’d been trying for a week to read through. It was still fruitless. He couldn’t concentrate. </p><p>What nobody realized, much less would Aziraphale admit to, was that he was depressed. Millennia of shoving his personal feelings down, hiding the hurt the other angels and God inflicted on him had taken its toll on him. But angels weren’t supposed to get depressed, they weren’t supposed to feel human things like sadness, anger, depression, or anxiety. </p><p>Whoever accused Aziraphale of being a typical angel clearly didn’t know him. </p><p>He couldn’t admit it to himself, much less admit it to Crowley, and so he suffered in silence. </p><p>Finally, he huffed in frustration and stood to put the book back on the shelf where he’d taken it from a week ago. He put a sign on the front window of his shop stating he’s out of town for the foreseeable future, double checked everything was locked nice and tight, and pulled all the shades down. He made his way through to the back of the shop then up the stairs to the barely used flat above his shop. </p><p>He’d set up the flat for appearance sake back when he first purchased the building, even though he knew nobody would ever see it. He refused to admit that he also did it because it made him feel more at home, but angels weren’t supposed to feel at home anywhere else but Heaven. </p><p>He crawled in his barely touched bed, thinking Crowley had the right idea with sleeping until the world was right again and pulled the blankets above his head. </p><p>He was asleep before he could realize it. </p><p>___________________________________</p><p>A banging reverberated through the flat, echoing because of the sparsity of the inside. It continued on for several more minutes with no response to it. After several minutes of no response from inside the flat, whatever was making the racket resorted to kicking the door. Blankets were thrown to the floor in a violent huff, with Crowley slithering out from under them. He angrily stalked to the front of his flat where the incessant banging was coming from, subconsciously ignoring the biting cold in the air around him. </p><p>Pulling open the door, Crowley started to shift his head to that of his snake form to scare away whoever was at his door. He stopped short when he recognized who it was. </p><p>Adam, the ex Antichrist. </p><p>Behind him was Book Girl and the Lizard guy, Crowley wasn’t near awake enough to remember anyone else’s names yet. </p><p>“Took you long enough to answer the door. What were you doing, sleeping?” Adam asked, crossing his arms in frustration. </p><p>“Yes I fucking was. Now why did you wake me up? I said I was sleeping until July.” Crowley growled. </p><p>Now Crowley isn’t dumb by any means, but the expressions on the humans’ faces should have tipped him off to something being off, even if the cold in the air or the clothes they were wearing, didn’t. </p><p>“It’s the middle of January.” Anathema told him. </p><p>Crowley froze for a full ten seconds before he slammed the door shut in their faces and raced back to his bedroom. Diving across his bed, he grabbed his phone and opened the calendar. He faintly heard the front door opening and closing again, indicating the humans had come inside. </p><p>January 17, 2021. </p><p>He’d overslept by 7 months. Oh Aziraphale was going to kill him! He immediately dialed the shop’s phone but it pinged with the message that the phone number was no longer in service. Dread settled in his chest. </p><p>“He’s disappeared.” A voice said behind Crowley. </p><p>Turning around, he saw Anathema standing in his doorway. </p><p>“He showed up for Christmas like we’d planned, but afterwards he said he was taking a break. Nobody has heard or seen him since.” Anathema told him. Crowley just stared in horror at her. </p><p>“Get dressed, we need to talk.” She ordered. Had Crowley not been internally panicking, he’d have laughed at this human’s audacity. </p><p>________________________________</p><p>Several minutes later found everyone gathered around the breakfast nook in Crowley’s kitchen. Crowley took way longer than his normal snap of the fingers to get dressed. He was trying to reach out and find Aziraphale but was not having any luck. It took everything in him not to have a full panic attack, the lost connection reminding him of when the bookshop burned down. </p><p>Adam was staring at Crowley, eyes studying him more intensely than any normal 13 year old kid should be able to. </p><p>Anathema broke the silence, “When did you decide to take an almost year long nap?” </p><p>Crowley snorted, his anxiety manifesting in snippy responses. </p><p>“I once slept 79 years.” </p><p>Anathema just raised her eyebrow. </p><p>“I set an alarm for July but apparently slept through it. Now are you going to tell me where Aziraphale went to or am I going to kick you three out of my flat and go find him?” Crowley growled out at her. </p><p>“We don’t know where he’s at. He said he was taking a break and we’ve not been able to contact him since Christmas. His bookshop is closed.” Anathema said. </p><p>“I can’t feel him either.” Adam added. </p><p>Crowley whipped around and looked at the teenager in absolute fear.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Crumbling like Pastries</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Crowley searches for Aziraphale, Aziraphale has some new hobbies, and we meet an OC.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter has some depressing thoughts and self doubts on both our Ineffable Husbands' parts. Nothing descriptive or in depth though. </p>
<p>I was blown away with the kudos, hits, bookmarks, and comments on the first chapter! You guys are so amazing!</p>
<p>I'm sorry it took a bit to get an update out, I've been working overtime lately but here's chapter 2!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Adam couldn’t locate Aziraphale. Crowley couldn’t feel him. Crowley wasn’t panicking at all. Nope. Not at all. Except he was. </p>
<p>Adam kept assuring him that he was sure he’d feel if Aziraphale wasn’t alive anymore, but maybe he didn’t want to be found right now. </p>
<p>Anathema kept looking at him like it was all his fault. It was, but that was besides the point in Crowley’s mind at the moment. She’d shown him pictures that Newt managed to snap of Aziraphale when he’d come to Jasmine Cottage for Christmas and he knew everything was wrong. </p>
<p>Gone was Aziraphale’s soft roundness. Immediately, Crowley noticed he’d lost significant weight and his face was pinched. Like he was burying his feelings.</p>
<p>Crowley didn’t know what to do, he didn’t even know how to go about trying to find Aziraphale. He’d always been able to feel him, no matter where on Earth either of them were, there was always this little tug behind his stomach that led him to the angel. That tug was missing. That meant that either Aziraphale was gone from the Earth or he was purposely hiding. Crowley hoped it was the latter one, the former didn’t bare thinking about. </p>
<p>For hours, they discussed what happened in the 7 months that Crowley slept away. The lockdown was “over” in the sense people could come and go but they had to wear masks in public and social distance still. Crowley decided he could live with that since it didn’t seem the humans were ready to get their shit together. </p>
<p>___________________________</p>
<p>After the humans left, Crowley wandered through his flat aimlessly for a few minutes before he decided to pull out his laptop and start looking up information about Aziraphale. He knew Aziraphale loved doing a lot of things like the humans do, recalling fondly when he bought his bookshop, insisting that it all be set up and done in the human way. </p>
<p>So if Aziraphale really is cloaking his true self to avoid being found, he’d have done everything the human way, since miracles gave away locations the same way phone calls do. </p>
<p>Crowley grinned a little bit, thankful for once that something of his was helping him instead of biting him in the ass. He’s pretty sure Aziraphale thinks that using cash makes it impossible to trace you but even cash leaves a trail, especially if you are staying anywhere that required a name or you bought anything that had to have an owner. Rather ingenious of Crowley if he does say so himself. </p>
<p>Aziraphale was smart though. He didn’t do anything under his normal aliases, which meant Crowley was going to have to actually dig for where Aziraphale might be. </p>
<p>_________________________</p>
<p>It took 2 months of constant searching. Months of searching finally paid off when he held the address of the place that Aziraphale bought. The angel thought he was so clever by using an alias that he’d never shared with Crowley, but Ezekiel Lee was still traceable once Crowley had the name. Apparently Aziraphale had been using that alias in his antique book trade and never told Crowley but hours after getting the name, Crowley knew everything about Ezekiel Lee that there was to know. At least in terms of what humans needed to know. </p>
<p>Crowley was gung-ho to run straight to the South Downs to confront Aziraphale but as he rushed out to his Bentley, he hesitated. If Aziraphale went to all this trouble to hide, did he even want Crowley around? Was he tired of Crowley? These thoughts flooded his mind as he stood outside of the Bentley. After several minutes of Crowley’s inner turmoil, he turned around and walked back to his apartment. After almost 12 years in constant contact, Aziraphale had to have been sick to death of Crowley and obviously needed a century or so to actually want Crowley back around. </p>
<p>Taking another nap sounded really good right now. Maybe when he woke up again, Aziraphale would want to see him again. </p>
<p>_______________________ </p>
<p>Aziraphale spent most of his days learning things he’d previously never bothered with. In the weeks since he finalized the purchase of his new cottage, he’d taken up baking, knitting, weaving, and even gardening! Crowley would be proud of him. </p>
<p>The moment the thought of Crowley entered his mind, he felt his shoulders droop in sadness. Crowley was probably still asleep, not even aware that Aziraphale wasn’t at the bookshop any longer. As he always does when he thinks of Crowley, he changes into his gardening clothes and walks outside to the beautiful (if he did say so himself) garden he’d cultivated since moving in a few months before. He knew it wasn’t exactly Crowley’s type of plants, and they’re not near the perfection that Crowley demands from his plants, but Aziraphale really did love color so he had flowerbeds. Pansies, Cyclamen, Viburnum, Winter Aconite, and Aziraphale thought he was clever with Helleborus in the mix of his flower beds. It was getting time to let them ease out of season since winter was slowly turning to spring now. </p>
<p>Digging his hands into the soil, he felt the soothing feeling wash over him, like it always did when he jumped in his new hobbies. Gardening especially had helped ease the pain he felt when he thought about Crowley. He knew the demon had to be tired of dealing with him after over a decade of constant contact when before they’d go centuries between seeing each other, not counting that meeting in Rome 8 years after Golgotha. </p>
<p>Aziraphale worked methodically for hours without realizing the passage of time until he realized it was too dark to see. He’d managed to start moving back his winter flowers and started making room for the spring flowers he was going to be planting soon. Standing up, he grabbed all the tools he’d been using and placed them in the sink at the back of his cottage to be cleaned later. </p>
<p>Spending time in the garden helped to ease his ache of missing Crowley but it didn’t always make the ache stay away. As he cleaned himself up, his mind wandered back to Crowley and he felt himself wishing again that he’d wake up already. But even if Crowley did wake up, there was no way he’d immediately look for Aziraphale. Aziraphale did leave a note in the shop for if Crowley woke up and went by looking for him. </p>
<p>He hoped Crowley woke up soon. </p>
<p>_______________________________</p>
<p>The little cafe was busy when Aziraphale stepped inside. </p>
<p>“Mr. Lee! Give me just a few minutes and I’ll get your cocoa out for you!” The young girl at the front counter called out. </p>
<p>Aziraphale smiled at her, “Amie, my dear! Awfully busy today, I see.” </p>
<p>Amie gestured to him to step over on the left side of the counter, allowing the other young barista to step up at the register to help the next customers. </p>
<p>Amie and her wife had bought and built the lovely cafe from scratch after finishing school several years before. Aziraphale was drawn to the love that the cafe radiated when he moved to the little village right after Christmas. He easily became a favorite of Amie and Siobhán, who welcomed him warmly. Both were obviously significantly younger than Aziraphale but they tended to mother hen him, always making sure he was taking care of himself. They lived a few places down from him and they acted like he was a lost duckling, so they took him under their wings. </p>
<p>“It’s the start of Easter holidays so we have all the tourists coming in for the holiday and you know to get the ‘full experience’ you can’t buy coffee at Starbucks, local coffee shops are always the rage!” Amie laughed as she made Aziraphale’s cocoa. </p>
<p>Aziraphale smiled, trying to hide the small strain in it, since Starbucks was one of Crowley’s infernal ideas. </p>
<p>“Well, I’m glad you’re getting the business.” Aziraphale told her, taking the warm cup that she handed him. He tried to pay her but she kept pushing it back at him. </p>
<p>“You know you’re not allowed to pay here! Now, do you want a blueberry scone or a chocolate muffin? Siobhán made both fresh this morning! She was trying a new recipe and wants your opinion on if they’re good enough to put in the shop.” </p>
<p>Unable to decide, Aziraphale took both, again trying to pay Amie for the food and drink but being declined again. </p>
<p>Just as Aziraphale started to bite into the delicious smelling scone, a gasp behind him had him freezing. </p>
<p>“Mr. Aziraphale!” Adam shouted, running up to Aziraphale with Dog right beside him.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Apparently Adam is going to be the cliffhanger on the first several chapters lol!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Is this real life?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Let me remind everyone that this story is mainly taking place in the future. When Crowley was woken up by Adam, it was January. When we met Amie, it was mid-April. I get that it might be a little confusing, and I’m sorry about that, but in this story, the pandemic has been reigned into control enough that life could start coming back to normalcy. Which is why Amie’s cafe is full of people, who are not doing any real form of social distancing. Since we don't have this luxury yet, please please stay safe and practice social distancing and wear your masks in public spaces please! </p><p>This chapter starts off in the past, showing what happened and what led to Aziraphale’s sudden relocation. It’ll also touch in on Aziraphale’s depression and self-hatred he has thanks to the lifetime of Heaven’s treatment.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Aziraphale slept from August until November. He would have possibly slept longer if it wouldn’t have been for the horrible nightmares that he began having. But unlike most nightmares, where they’re not real, the nightmares Aziraphale found himself plagued with were 6 millennia of him denying Crowley. 6,000 years of turning him away, denying their friendship, denying him in all ways because he feared Heaven’s retribution on not just Crowley, but himself too. The absolute worst moment was during the impending Apocalypse, where he told Crowley it was over. </p><p>“Friends? We’re not friends! I don’t even like you!” He’d hurled at Crowley, voice trembling in a pitiful attempt to deny Crowley yet again. </p><p>“You do!” Crowley had teased back, assuming it was yet another one of Aziraphale’s normal denials. </p><p>“Even if I did know where the Antichrist was, I wouldn’t tell you! We’re on opposite sides!” </p><p>“We’re on our side!” </p><p>“There is no ‘our side’, Crowley! Not anymore, it’s over.” Aziraphale growled, driving all of his fear and anxiety into the words he knew would destroy Crowley. Even with the sunglasses on Crowley’s face, Aziraphale knew his words had their intended affect. Crowley’s face shuttered, but not fast enough to stop Aziraphale from seeing the utter betrayal that flashed on his face. </p><p>Aziraphale woke up gasping from the nightmare, scrambling out of his bed. He brought his hand up to snap, intending to show up at Crowley’s flat to apologize over and over. Just as his mind caught up with his body, he froze. </p><p>Why are you being so selfish and wanting to disturb his nap? He would have woken up in July if he really wanted to be around you. Not even Heaven in all their love and tolerance could stand you, what makes you think Crowley wants you to continue hurting him? He’s probably glad you’re leaving him alone and letting him live his life. </p><p>Aziraphale froze, feeling the familiar self hatred rise in his chest. Well, he was done forcing himself into people’s lives. Crowley’s especially, even if all he wanted was to always have the demon near him. He could be better. He could do better. He would be better. </p><p>Smothering the desire for tea, he went straight to his old computer and powered it up. He ignored the chill, determination setting in. </p><p>_________________________________</p><p> </p><p>It took several long minutes for Amie to believe that Adam wasn’t causing problems or harassing her Mr. Lee. She was confused about why he kept calling him Aziraphale but that was something she’d bring up to Mr. Lee when they had a chance for a private conversation. She allowed him to usher her back to her cafe kitchen and let him talk with the little monster who was screaming in her cafe. Just because she allowed herself to be sent back to the kitchen, like this wasn’t her cafe, didn’t mean she wasn’t going to still watch and listen as best she could. Mr. Lee was her and Siobhán’s favorite person and she wasn’t going to let some strange kid terrorize him. </p><p>“Now Adam you must apologize to Amie for screaming in her shop, it’s impolite.” Aziraphale told the teenager. His parents nodded to Aziraphale as they walked to the counter to order; he nodded back. </p><p> </p><p>“I couldn’t sense you after Christmas, you disappeared! I woke Mr. Crowley up and he couldn’t find you but he wouldn’t tell us if he did find you. What are you doing all the way out here?” Adam rambled, chastising Aziraphale in only the way that self assured teenagers could do.</p><p>Aziraphale physically reeled at the mention of Crowley being woken up, causing Amie to immediately leave the kitchen and come back to their table. Aziraphale didn’t even notice her approach, but Adam did. </p><p>“Adam, you shouldn’t have woken Crowley up. He’s just trying to get some rest after all that dreadful pandemic issue. You should have let him stay asleep.” Aziraphale told Adam, “Now if you don’t mind dear, I need to be getting back home. May you and your family have a wonderful vacation with all the best adventures.” </p><p>The blessing was second nature to Aziraphale, he didn’t even realize it. Adam did though, and he grinned after the fussing angel as he left the cafe. </p><p>“I believe I’m owed an explanation, young man.” Amie said, folding her arms across her chest. </p><p>“You’ll never believe me, I’m just a kid.” Adam shot back, not even bothering to hide the smirk on his face. </p><p>Gesturing to the table that Aziraphale vacated, “Try me.” </p><p>___________________________________</p><p>Crowley had never had insomnia before. He wasn’t even sure if he could call it insomnia since demons didn’t need sleep. But for a week straight he fought to go to sleep before he gave up. Aziraphale went to extreme measures to hide himself, so obviously he didn’t want Crowley around him or even to find him. </p><p>This hurt worse than the bandstand moment. At least at that moment, it was nothing but complete and paralyzing fear making the angel lash out in a misguided attempt to save Crowley. This was a clear message of ‘you’re not wanted around me, let me live my life without you for a while’. And that hurt. </p><p>Crowley dragged himself to his couch and turned on Golden Girls, hoping to lose himself in the show, hoping to numb his brain completely. </p><p>It figured that when he stopped trying, he’d finally fall asleep. </p><p>For a long while, it was just the welcome darkness and silence that came with sleep that Crowley found. Until suddenly he was in a familiar bookshop and oh it hurt. It hurt to be in the shop and know it’s owner didn’t want him around. He turned to leave until he heard a muffled giggle in the back room. That giggle sounded really familiar. </p><p>“You know it’s impolite to ignore people.” A voice infused with giggles said from the backroom. </p><p>Crowley was frozen. This had to be a nightmare, Hell was trying to break him again. </p><p>“Not quite, my child, that’s your imagination running away with you again.” The voice said, as a small woman with bouncy black curls walked out of the backroom. </p><p>Crowley just stared at this person, not even realizing his mouth was open in his shock. </p><p>The smaller person walked up to him and reached up closing his mouth. “Hello, my son. It’s been a while.” She said, smiling brightly. </p><p>Aziraphale has that same smile. Crowley couldn’t stop the thought crossing his shell shocked mind. </p><p>God laughed out loud, hearing the shocked thought from Crowley. The laugh finally brought Crowley out of his shock. He jumped back and hissed. </p><p>“What the hea- what the hel- what the fuck are you doing in here!?” Crowley spit, backing further away from God. </p><p>She tutted at him like he was overreacting. “What? A mother can’t pop in on her children when they’re obviously no longer listening?” </p><p>Crowley could only sputter, trying to form a proper sentence and failing. God just stood there watching with that smile on her face. </p><p>Finally, “No! No, you cannot! You’ve ignored everyone for thousands of years, right after wiping out thousands of innocent people with a flood and then thinking a damn rainbow would make it all better! You let your Archangels try killing the best fucking angel in the entirety of Heaven, and had we not had help from a human witch, they would have succeeded! So no, you cannot ‘pop in’ like this! Why the fuck are you in his bookshop? You know he’s not here, so why the fuck did you drag me here?” Crowley was losing it. Being in the bookshop, knowing Aziraphale didn’t want him around, being face to face with God after thousands of years of nothing from her, it was all a bit much. </p><p>God just looked at him while he ranted. After all the steam from his ranting ran out, She approached Crowley, who tensed as she reached out for his face. Crowley flinched as she rested Her hands on his cheeks. </p><p>“Crowley, my sweet son, my little star maker. There’s so much I wish I could take back, I was so much younger than I am now. I made mistakes and instead of accepting them, I left. I thought my angels would be okay, I thought they’d love each other and humanity without my guiding them to. But know, I’d never have let them kill Aziraphale when he was the only one listening to what he was supposed to do. The Great Plan isn’t even mine, Armageddon was never supposed to happen on Earth.” </p><p>She wiped the tears that slipped over Crowley’s lashes. </p><p>“Out of everything though, my biggest regrets has always been throwing my children from me in a fit of anger. Samael wasn’t wrong to feel that my angels were being overlooked, but he was wrong that I never gave you free will. The only difference was that humanity knew they had it, my angels didn’t, but that didn’t mean you never had it.” </p><p>Tears were falling freely now, from both being’s. </p><p>“Now, you need to stop thinking you’re not good enough or that you’re not wanted. He is just as lost and scared as you are. Now, I must let you go back, my grandson has decided to pay you a visit again. Be well, my son.” </p><p>“Wait! I have questions.” Crowley cried. </p><p>Huffing a small laugh, “Always with the questions, my love. Don’t worry, we will see each other again.” </p><p>Crowley woke gasping, finally registering the banging coming from his front door. He scrambled up again, rushing to the door. </p><p>“Mr. Crowley! I found him!” Adam cried gleefully. </p><p>Neither one heard the small giggles fading away as Crowley let Adam into the flat.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I know, I know. I updated back to back. I caught a lucky break with work and had a three day weekend and was bed ridden due to my hips deciding they wanted to be difficult so we got 2 chapters back to back. </p><p>This should be the last chapter with Adam being my cliffhanger but maybe not. I had originally planned to reunite the Husbands by this point but then I couldn't think of a way to do it just yet.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Bitter</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter is dedicated to SarahMae1780, who was my sounding board for this chapter and helped me figure out which direction I wanted to go with in this story. If you haven’t read their stories, go do it! They are freaking amazing! Thank you again Sarah for being my highlight, seriously couldn’t figure out which way to go with this!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Adam stared in shock as Crowley told him that Aziraphale didn’t want to be found and that going to find him was only going to upset the angel. He stood there looking at the demon who kept rambling about how the angel went to lengths to avoid being found so clearly he was tired of dealing with the demon. </p>
<p>“Wow, I didn’t know adults could be so stupid.” Adam snarked. </p>
<p>Crowley whipped around to glare at the teenager. Rather than respond to the comment, Crowley asked how he got to London again. </p>
<p>“Anathema and Newt brought me while they visited Newt’s mum. Now, are you going to go tell Aziraphale that you’re sorry?” Adam questioned. </p>
<p>Crowley drug a hand down his face. “It’s not that simple, Adam. Aziraphale went to great lengths to hide where he went, he doesn’t want me around.” </p>
<p>Adam scoffed, which Crowley ignored, choosing to continue as though the teenager hadn’t made a noise. </p>
<p>“He doesn’t want me around. Maybe in a few years he will be able to stand my presence again.” The self depreciating tone wasn’t missed by the teenager. </p>
<p>Shrugging, Adam turned to the door. “Fine, be stubborn. Leave him unprotected for Heaven or Hell to get to him.” He hid the smirk on his face as he heard Crowley physically stiffen. </p>
<p>________________________________</p>
<p>Aziraphale avoided the cafe for several days, until Amie and Siobhán showed up at his cottage. They missed their favorite patron and wanted to make sure he was okay after Adam’s visit. It had certainly been an enlightening visit for Amie, who later told her wife about what the teenager told her. Siobhán accepted it without pause, both knew something was unique with their favorite patron. </p>
<p>Knocking on his door, they waited for him to answer. When he did answer the door, he had to fight the urge to shut it tight when the two women greeted him. </p>
<p>“Hello, Aziraphale.” Amie said. </p>
<p>Instead, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath, regaining control of his emotions. The small voice in the back of his mind reminding him that this was yet another failing of his. </p>
<p>“May we come in, love? I think we need to have a conversation.” Siobhán asked, always the slightly more tactful one of the two women. </p>
<p>Fighting the urge to once again flee, Aziraphale nodded, moving back and opening the door wider for the two to enter his cottage. Both moved through the house with familiarity, having often joined Aziraphale for tea when they weren’t at the cafe. Siobhán immediately started pulling the stuff together to make cocoa and biscuits out of the pantry, knowing that it would help keep everyone’s nerves down if there was something in their hands. </p>
<p>“You talked to Adam, I’m assuming.” Aziraphale asked, skipping the pleasantries. He settled in the chair across from Amie, who nodded. </p>
<p>“We already thought of you as an angel, we just didn’t realize how true it was.” Amie joked, trying to lighten the atmosphere in the kitchen. </p>
<p>“What my wife is trying to get at, love, is that we understand why you obviously didn’t tell us or anyone. What we want to tell you is that we hope this doesn’t mean you’re going to leave us just because we know now.” Siobhán said, stirring the milk waiting for it to heat up. </p>
<p>Aziraphale didn’t say anything, moving his hands under the table to fiddle with them out of sight. </p>
<p>“What else did Adam tell you?” Aziraphale asked in a quiet voice after a while. </p>
<p>“Honestly, not anything we hadn’t already guessed at. The only shocking part of the whole conversation was that you’re a literal angel. Everything else we’d already guessed at. Now tell us, what really made you give up your bookshop and move to our quiet little village?” Amie asked, holding her hand out for Aziraphale to take if he wanted to. </p>
<p>It took several minutes of silence and Siobhán placing the cocoa in front of him for Aziraphale to finally lift his hands to the table. Ignoring the cocoa (not because he didn’t want it) he took Amie’s hand and began his tale. He told her of 6,000 years of him and Crowley, 6,000 years of belittlement from the Archangels, having to often stop Siobhán from exploding in anger, how horrible he was denying Crowley’s friendship time and time again, and finally ending with how he denied Crowley again during the initial lockdown a year ago. How the demon was tired of his company and how he was a failure as an angel, a failure as a friend, and how much he hurt the being he loved most in the universe. </p>
<p>He went on to tell them that when Crowley didn’t wake up in July, Aziraphale realized that Crowley was sick of him, having been in almost constant contact for 12 years, he was tired of dealing with the fussy angel and decided to sleep, possibly for decades like he had before. He told them about deciding to sleep himself, unable to cope with having driven away his best friend away. He told them about the nightmares, about being reminded he’d been a selfish friend and how Crowley was probably sleeping to avoid him. </p>
<p>He talked about how upset Crowley had been when he’d missed the 1920s and he didn’t want to force the demon to do it all over again just because he was a horrible and selfish friend. </p>
<p>Finally he told them about his decision to mask his presence, hide away, and let Crowley live in London without interference from him for a few decades. It was the least Aziraphale could do after making Crowley suffer through over a decade of almost constant contact with him. He didn’t actually sell his shop, he couldn’t part with it after the close call during the almost Apocalypse, but he chose to close it for the foreseeable future. He hoped one day Crowley would be able to tolerate him again and he could possible open it back up. </p>
<p>By the end of it, Siobhán and Amie were in tears, both standing to wrap Aziraphale in a tight hug. Aziraphale froze up, before relaxing into their embrace. </p>
<p>“Oh you silly man, I am sure that none of that is true about you being horrible. It sounds like you wanted to protect both of you and you did it the best way you knew how. As far as being a failure at anything, Aziraphale, do you know what depression is?” Amie asked, both women pulling away from him and sitting back in their seats.</p>
<p>“I’m an angel, dear girl. We don’t get depressed.” Aziraphale replied, instantly missing the contact. </p>
<p>“Bullshit! You’ve got a human body, you eat, you drink, I’ve seen you tipsy, I’ve seen a cut on your arms after you came in from the garden, so why wouldn’t your brain also act human too?” Siobhán asked, shocking the other two. Siobhán never cursed, that was Amie’s linguistics. </p>
<p>Aziraphale mulled it over for a few minutes, letting what Siobhán said sink in. “I guess that makes sense, what’s another failing as an angel as this point.” Aziraphale said slowly, feeling his shoulders droop. </p>
<p>He jumped when Amie slammed her hand on the table, standing up so fast that she knocked the chair over. “That’s enough! You are not a failure at anything! That’s depression making you think that, that’s 6,000 years of bastards telling you that you failed because you did the one fucking thing that God tasked you with, love us fucked up humans! That doesn’t make you a fucking failure, it makes you the only goddamn angel that did their job!” </p>
<p>Aziraphale was too shocked to respond, Amie had never yelled at him before. It took another moment for what she yelled to reach his brain. Only Crowley had ever said something similar but he didn’t listen to Crowley. Maybe he should have? </p>
<p>Before he could form a response, a small knock was heard from the front door. All three heads snapped to the front door as someone knocked again, slightly louder. Siobhán stood up, heading for the door, while Amie picked her chair up again. Sitting down, she reached out for Aziraphale’s hands, cupping them in her much smaller ones. </p>
<p>“I think you should see a therapist, it might help you come to terms with how you were grossly mistreated. I know someone who might be a good fit for you, if you’re willing.” Amie said softly, stroking Aziraphale’s hands. </p>
<p>Aziraphale opened his mouth to respond but Siobhán cleared her throat, interrupting them. </p>
<p>“Amie, I think we should head home for a while.” </p>
<p>Both heads turned to look at Siobhán and Aziraphale stiffened when he saw who was with her. </p>
<p>“Crowley.” </p>
<p>Aziraphale stared at Crowley as Amie and Siobhán shuffled out, Amie promising to pop by later to check on him. </p>
<p>Neither one said anything for a moment. </p>
<p>“What are you-“ </p>
<p>“Angel, I’m so-“ </p>
<p>Both clamped their mouths shut at the same time. Aziraphale gestured for Crowley to speak, not sure he trusted his voice at the moment. </p>
<p>“Aziraphale, I’m sorry. When you said you didn’t want me to come over and spend the lockdown at the bookshop, I thought you were tired of me being clingy.” Crowley explained, thankful for the glasses hiding the sadness in his eyes. </p>
<p>Aziraphale swallowed, trying to push past the lump in his throat. “I thought you were tired of me.” He said softly. </p>
<p>Crowley shook his head, “No, Angel. I didn’t mean to oversleep, you know me, big fan of sleep, me.” Crowley tried joking. </p>
<p>Aziraphale didn’t respond verbally, just nodded.</p>
<p>Crowley gestured to the modest cottage that they were standing in, “What made you decide to leave London?” </p>
<p>“I figured you would wake up and enjoy the world you fought so hard to save if I wasn’t around. You were so upset that you’d slept through the 1920s after we fought before, I didn’t want you blaming me for you missing another 20s era.” Aziraphale explained, still refusing to look at Crowley directly. </p>
<p>“It wasn’t my intention to oversleep.” Crowley bit out, patience starting to run thin since Aziraphale refused to look at him. </p>
<p>“That’s why I left, I was right a little bit. You did wake up when I left.” Aziraphale whispered to the floor. Crowley’s patience was wearing thin, Aziraphale’s refusal to look at him was hurting him. It made Crowley believe that Aziraphale really didn’t want him around. “I would have left sooner if I’d have known.”</p>
<p>“Now hold on, I only woke up because Adam and Bookgirl were beating my door down, I immediately tried calling the bookshop but no, you had to go off the deep end and run away!” Crowley’s patience snapped, “If you wouldn’t have been so selfish and run off and hide every trace of yourself, Adam wouldn’t have come to wake me up and I’d still be sleeping probably!” </p>
<p>Aziraphale froze in shock. He knew it, Crowley really was sick of him. The only reason he woke up was because Aziraphale was once again selfish and worried Adam and Anathema. Rather than face the pain that revelation brought, Aziraphale felt anger rise in his chest. </p>
<p>“I’m so sorry your nap was interrupted because of me, but I don’t recall asking them to wake you up or come find me! If I remember correctly, I went to great lengths to stop anyone from finding me! So you can stop blaming me right this instant!” Aziraphale gave back, finally snapping his head up to look at Crowley.</p>
<p>“Oh don’t even try that right now Aziraphale! You didn’t make it all that difficult to find you, since I’m obviously here now.” Crowley spat back. </p>
<p>“You’re only here because Adam found me when he was on vacation!” </p>
<p>“I’ve had your address since March, Aziraphale! In case you haven’t noticed, we’re nearing the end of April now. I could have shown up almost a month ago if I’d wanted to!” Crowley screamed. </p>
<p>Aziraphale reeled back as though he’d been slapped. Crowley immediately knew he’d said the wrong thing. </p>
<p>“Get out. Go back to sleep Crowley.” Aziraphale whispered. </p>
<p>Crowley attempted to apologize, holding his hands up. </p>
<p>“No! Obviously you only came to find me because Adam showed up, you can go tell him you found me, I’m fine, and I want to be left alone now!” Aziraphale snapped, “You don’t want to be bothered with me, go back to sleep like you want, but don’t blame me when you sleep away another century!” </p>
<p>“Fine, be that way. It’s not like you’re alone out here it seems.” Crowley growled, turning to leave. The slamming door was met with silence. </p>
<p>Crowley stalked to his Bentley, muttering under his breath about stubborn angels. He almost didn’t notice the human leaning against the driver door until he went to open the door. </p>
<p>“Get off my car.” He growled, trying for menacing. </p>
<p>Amie pushed herself upright, but even then she was only 5’2” to Crowley’s 6’4”. </p>
<p>“Nope, we’re going for a walk and you’re going to listen and learn.” She told him, poking him in the chest. </p>
<p>Crowley raised an eyebrow at the ferocity of this small woman. </p>
<p>“Don’t make me repeat myself. Now let’s go.” Amie set off walking towards the high street. </p>
<p>Crowley tried to open the Bentley but the door was locked. He glared at the car, for a second, before striding after the human.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So I was going to split this into two chapters but decided I didn’t really like leaving it off where it was when I started writing the next chapter so you get a bit of a longer chapter this time. I wanted to put a little bit of angst into this chapter without a resolution simply because it felt too cheesy to have Crowley just show up and everything be all good again. Both of them have issues they need to work through before we get the happy ending lol.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Concrete Angel</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Crowley caught up with Amie, scowling the whole time. They walked in silence for several minutes before Amie broke it as they reached the high street. She led them to her cafe, unlocking it and gesturing for Crowley to go inside and sit down. Crowley did as she indicated, if only to see what she had to tell him. His curiosity always making him seek out answers, damned they be or not. </p><p>“You’re wrong, you know. He doesn’t have really have anyone else here besides me and Siobhán.” Amie told him, moving behind the counter. She started brewing some rather strong smelling coffee. </p><p>Crowley raised an eyebrow above his sunglasses, scowling at her. </p><p>“Believe me or don’t, he talked about you. He misses you terribly, even if he never told us your name until tonight. Black, no cream or sugar, the stronger the better. He acted like it was a personal insult how you drink coffee.” Amie laughed. Crowley’s scowl only deepened. </p><p>Amie didn’t say anything else as she finished the coffee, taking both mugs to the table. Crowley only glared at the coffee as though it was responsible for all his problems. </p><p>“You need to apologize.” Amie said, taking a sip of her coffee. </p><p>Crowley whipped his head up to glare at her instead of his coffee. </p><p>“He’s the one-“ Crowley started. </p><p>“No.” Amie cut him off, her tone hardening, “No, you barged into his home, you got angry at him and lashed out at him, he lashed out because you were attacking him. I won’t pretend to understand your relationship, I can barely wrap my head around the fact he’s a literal angel, but you were wrong. Plain and simple and if you don’t apologize, if you make him run away and leave our lives because he’s so depressed and hurting, I will make it my life’s mission to make your life a living hell.” The ice in Amie’s eyes flashing as she talked. </p><p>Crowley couldn’t stop the laughter that bubbled out of him. </p><p>“I’m a demon, I’ve lived in Hell longer than you’ve even thought of existing. You don’t know what Hell is, but I appreciate the sentiment.” Crowley took a drink of his coffee, humming in contentment. </p><p>Amie stared at him, waiting for him to continue. Crowley just raised his eyebrows again at her. </p><p>“You still need to apologize to Aziraphale.” Amie told him, “You don’t understand, maybe because you’re not human, but he is depressed. He left London because he thought you were avoiding him and he thought he was a burden on you. He still feels that way, he’s even told us he doesn’t want to burden us.” </p><p>Crowley didn’t say anything, running his finger over his mug as he thought. Did angels get depressed? If Aziraphale was depressed, why didn’t he ever tell Crowley? </p><p>“Depressed people rarely tell people they love that they’re depressed, they barely want to acknowledge it themselves.” Amie told him, making Crowley realize he’d verbalized his thoughts. </p><p>Crowley looked up from his mug, “Do…do you think I can help him?” </p><p>Amie nodded, taking a sip of her coffee before answering. “I do. He’s missed you immensely, he’s talked about you constantly even if he never named you.” </p><p>Crowley and Amie sat and talked for a while longer, Amie explaining how Aziraphale had been since he got here, Crowley even talked about his feelings over missing Aziraphale and wanting to find him. Amie was easy to talk to, reminding Crowley very much of Aziraphale, which came as no surprise since the angel seemed to have a deep fondness of the woman. </p><p>After some time, Amie convinced Crowley to go back to the cottage and properly apologize to Aziraphale. They walked back to the street that both homes were on, parting ways at Amie’s gate since her house was closer to the shop than Aziraphale’s. </p><p>______________________________</p><p>Crowley walked slowly back to Aziraphale’s cottage, hands shoved in his pockets, and mind light years away. His angel was depressed? Why didn’t he realize that sooner? The thousands of years of mistreatment from Heaven, it made all the sense that Aziraphale would be depressed. </p><p>Crowley walked up to the front door of Aziraphale’s cottage, knocking and hoping the angel would answer and let him apologize. </p><p>Nobody answered. </p><p>Crowley knocked and waited some more, but still nobody came to the door. He reached out with his senses, hoping that Aziraphale was just angry with him and ignoring him, but the house was empty. He forgot that Aziraphale had been masking his angelic presence this whole time. </p><p>Crowley’s mind immediately lit up, panic seizing his body. He opened the door, human locks never stopping him before, and went into the cottage. It was empty, as empty as the bookshop had been during the Notapocolypse, making Crowley’s unnecessary breaths hitch in his chest. He ran through the cottage, searching each room to see if Aziraphale was hiding anywhere but the angel was nowhere to be found.</p><p>What if something happened? What if I pushed him over the edge and I’m never able to find him again? He has to hate me now, I hurt him and then I attack him. What is wrong with me? </p><p>He ran from the house, running back to Amie’s house. He started knocking on the door like a crazy person. </p><p>Amie answered the door, looking puzzled. </p><p>“I can’t find him!” Crowley rasped, trying to get the panic in his mind from completely taking over. </p><p>Amie invited Crowley in, telling him to calm down. She led him to the kitchen, pushing him into a chair at her table. She shoved his head down to his lap, to help him get his breathing under some semblance of control. </p><p>“We will find him, let me call Siobhán and see if she knows where he’s at. There’s no need to panic.” Amie said, pulling her phone out. </p><p>Amie called her wife but just as the first ring went through, they heard the door opening and Siobhán walked into the kitchen. Crowley immediately sat up, looking around to see if Aziraphale was with her. </p><p>“You must be Crowley, I’m Siobhán.” She said, reaching out her hand to shake his. Crowley just stared at her, his brain not catching up with current events. </p><p>He faintly heard Amie tell her that they’re looking for Aziraphale, since he’s not at home. </p><p>“I know where he’s at.” </p><p>That got Crowley’s attention and made him start actively listening to the conversation going on around him. </p><p>“Ngk-where…where is he?” Crowley asked, his voice rasping. </p><p>Siobhán just looked at him. Unlike Amie, she wasn’t as compassionate with people, especially those that hurt the ones she cared about. </p><p>“The answer to that is going to depend on whether I believe you or not.” Siobhán moved around the speechless demon, pulling out ingredients. </p><p>“Believe me? Believe me about what!?” Crowley hissed, agitated that this human knew where Aziraphale was and wasn’t telling him. </p><p>“Amie, love, will you hand me the good whisk? You know Aziraphale likes the structure when I hand whisk the divinity.” Siobhán asked, completely ignoring the demon sputtering behind them. Amie couldn’t hide the small smile on her face, even as she felt Crowley glaring at them. </p><p>“How can I talk to him if I don’t know where the fuck he ran off to this time?!” Crowley hissed, slamming his hand down on the table, making Amie jump at the sudden noise. </p><p>Siobhán whipped around, eyes alight with protective anger. While Amie’s blue eyes could be so cold that the arctic resembled the tropics, Siobhán’s eyes were a golden fire, ready to burn the world to the ground for those she took under her protection. </p><p>“You don’t get to come barging into his home, scream at him, verbally abuse his emotions, and then think I’m just going to hand him over for you to hurt again! No, you want to know where he fucking is, you’re going to prove to me that I can trust you not to fucking hurt him again. He’s suffered enough, suffered even more after you and that little boy showed up out of nowhere, you don’t get to come here, 5 months later, demanding access to him, demanding others to tell you where he’s at trying to pull himself together. You don’t get to run someone I love out of my life because you’re a selfish bastard who can’t see how badly his supposed best friend is suffering!” Siobhán yelled, daring Crowley to interrupt her or say something to her. </p><p>During her rant, Crowley’s eyes got wider with every word leaving Siobhán’s mouth. Humans never treated Crowley with anything but fearful respect. </p><p>Siobhán whipped back around and started taking her anger out on the ingredients in the bowl. Amie motioned for Crowley to get up and follow her out of the kitchen. </p><p>“It’s best to let her work out her feelings in the kitchen. I know you don’t know us but Siobhán is protective of people she loves, and honestly who doesn’t love Aziraphale?” Amie said, sitting in the armchair that reminded Crowley of the one Aziraphale had in his bookshop. </p><p>Crowley didn’t respond, just continued staring at the chair, causing Amie to giggle. “He gave it to me about a week after we opened the cafe. I told him we were lacking in furniture because everything went to getting the cafe opened and next thing I know, he showed up with this and I fell in love with it. Siobhán absolutely hate it.” </p><p>“I bought it for him in 1941 to replace one that he had for over a century.” Crowley said, feeling his heart sink. Aziraphale gave it away without a second thought apparently. </p><p>Amie smiled lightly, knowing exactly what was going through his mind. “When he gave it to me, he made me absolutely promise it’d never leave my den and that I’d be kind to it. I think having it there hurt him, because he feels like a burden and having physical reminders can make his depression even worse. He didn’t give it away lightly, he knows I adore it and treasure it. I offered it back when we got on our feet but he said it was just as loved here as it was with him.” </p><p>Crowley swallowed, nodding as he watched Amie caress the chair.</p><p>_________________________________</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So I wanted to resolve the fight in this chapter but I couldn’t really find a place to do it properly. </p><p>Anybody else starting to see the lovely similarities between Amie/Siobhán and Aziraphale/Crowley? I hope so! </p><p>Anyway, I hope you like this chapter/story/rambling mess that I post here. Leave a comment or kudos maybe? 🥺 thanks lovelies!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Free fall</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So yeah, I might have kind of, possibly, sort of, teared up a little bit when I read the comments everyone posted on the last chapter. I rarely write canon so I worry when I do that it’s never good but you guys just blew me away! I love you all so very much!!! </p>
<p> </p>
<p>I know I updated yesterday but my life is about to get crazy hectic again. My kids return to school tomorrow and I’m a nervous wreck, big thing at work happening at the same time, and all that fun jazz. So here’s the second to last bit of angst! I’ll have the next chapter up this weekend, I absolutely promise this time.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Amie and Crowley could hear Siobhán muttering in the kitchen while she worked. Amie smiled, knowing that Siobhán would feel better after she worked out her aggravation, it wouldn’t surprise her if she came out with cinnamon rolls, divinity, and a whole host of other baked goods to give to Aziraphale. </p>
<p>Crowley looked towards the kitchen and he could feel the anger and agitation pouring out of the room and ducked his head slightly. He knew he shouldn’t have lost his temper, he was just so stressed out. How was he supposed to tell Aziraphale he didn’t mean it and that he wasn’t a burden if he couldn’t find him? </p>
<p>Amie and him continued to sit in silence, Amie content to listen to her wife in the kitchen, Crowley too embarrassed to say anything more. He’d made a fool of himself enough tonight, apparently. </p>
<p>Suddenly, they heard stomping coming from the kitchen towards them. Siobhán appeared in the doorway, still glaring at Crowley. </p>
<p>“I’m still mad at you, but you’re going to listen to me, and you’re going to listen good. Aziraphale has depression, he feels like he’s let everyone down constantly, apparently since Eden. For thousands of years, this poor man has felt the weight of the universe on his shoulders and feels like he’s failed at everything. He did what depressed people do, he retreated, he took himself out of the equation because it’s easier to do that than to wait to be tossed out by those he loves. You’re not going to continue the abuse he has suffered from his supposed higher ups, not while I’m here.” Siobhán said, glaring at Crowley. </p>
<p>Crowley tensed up the more she spoke, feeling the weight of her words settle on him. </p>
<p>“I didn’t know.” He whispered. </p>
<p>“No, of course you didn’t. That’s how depression is, those of us with it are often the sunniest people around. You need to ask yourself, are you going to actually help him or are you going to run off and sleep another century when things get rough again?” Siobhán asked. </p>
<p>Crowley flinched at the accusation. </p>
<p>“Siobhán, that’s a little harsh, don’t you think?” Amie asked, seeing the despair in Crowley’s face. </p>
<p>“No, I don’t, Amie. This is the reality of it. He slept through the 14th century according to Aziraphale, he slept 80 years when he didn’t get what he wanted from Aziraphale, then he slept during the lockdown when Aziraphale didn’t let him over to the bookshop. It seems that when Aziraphale shuts down and feels like he’s burdening others, instead of reaching out and trying to be what a significant other should be, he sleeps and leaves Aziraphale to suffer on his own.” Siobhán told her wife, still glaring at Crowley. </p>
<p>Crowley hunched his shoulders closer to his ears, trying to make himself smaller. </p>
<p>“Amie and I are human. We’ve got maybe another 50 years before we leave this world and then Aziraphale will be alone again.” </p>
<p>“No, he won’t! I’m not human, I’m immortal just like him.” Crowley shot up. </p>
<p>“You abandon him when he needs you.” Siobhán spat. </p>
<p>Crowley stumbled back like Siobhán had physically slapped him. He stumbled back onto the couch he’d been sitting on before. </p>
<p>“I-I don’t mean to. I thought he was tired of being around me all the time after the last several years. He did-he didn’t tell me, I didn’t even know angels could get depressed.” Crowley said, leaning over and putting his head in his hands. </p>
<p>“If I tell you where he’s at, you better not make me regret it. If you drive Aziraphale from our lives, I swear to God I will find a way to make the rest of your existence miserable.” Siobhán told him. </p>
<p>Crowley didn’t answer for a few minutes. Finally, he nodded. “I need to apologize.” </p>
<p>Siobhán didn’t respond, turning around and walking back into the kitchen. Amie looked between the kitchen and Crowley, trying to decide what to do. She walked over to Crowley, putting her hand on his back. </p>
<p>“Aziraphale saved Siobhán’s life, that’s why she is being mean to you. There’s only 3 people in this entire world that she trusts and only two that she’s willing to go to such lengths to protect like this.” Amie told him, trying to offer some comfort. </p>
<p>“What happened that Aziraphale needed to save her?” Crowley asked, still not looking up. </p>
<p>“I have depression and about a month after we opened the shop, I was so stressed and thinking Amie deserved more than me, and was contemplating suicide. Aziraphale came to the shop the first time on a day I was closing the shop alone. I was planning to die that night. He started talking to me and before I knew it, we were sitting down and discussing my bakes, my inexperience. And then he pulled from me my thoughts, my desire to die. He showed me that I was worthy of love, that I did deserve Amie, I deserved to be proud of being a baker without a formal education, that I wasn’t the homeless teenager who’s parents threw her out when she came out.” Siobhán said, as she walked back to the den area. She placed a box with their cafe’s logo on it. Crowley could smell the sugary confections and felt a bittersweet smile make it’s way to his face. </p>
<p>She walked over to Amie, who stood up, and wrapped her arms around her waist. “He reminded me, and both him and Amie remind me daily, that I’m more than what I was. That everyone deserves love. Amie was the first to ever show me love, but Aziraphale pulled me out of a whirlpool that had been sucking me down for 12 years. He saved me, and I’ll do whatever I can to do the same for him.” </p>
<p>Amie hugged her wife tightly, sniffling at the reminder of how close she’d come to losing her just a few short months before. Siobhán hugged her back, placing a kiss on her forehead as they parted. </p>
<p>“Take the divinity to him and apologize. He’s at the cliffside. He goes there when he gets overwhelmed.” Siobhán said, pulling Amie close to her and started walking back towards the kitchen. </p>
<p>Crowley stared at the box for a few moments then stared at the kitchen door the women had passed through. It took several minutes before he got up and grabbed the box. Demons couldn’t feel love from other beings like angels could, but even Crowley could feel the love that Siobhán had infused in that box of treats for Aziraphale. </p>
<p>_________________________________</p>
<p>The night sky was full of stars twinkling above his head. Aziraphale was sitting on the edge of the cliffside, his legs dangling over the edge, feeling the wind whip around him. It was peaceful, like it always was. </p>
<p>Siobhán had gone home about 2 hours before and Aziraphale promised he wouldn’t stay out all night, that he’d go home that night, even if he didn’t need sleep. </p>
<p>God hadn’t spoken to Aziraphale since she asked about the sword right outside of the Garden, but he still talked to Her. </p>
<p>“I know I was a mistake, but sometimes I really wish you’d at least tell me why you didn’t just scrap me and start over when you realized the mistakes I was made of.” Aziraphale spoke to the wind. </p>
<p>“I only seem to burden and hurt people, angels, I even manage to hurt demons.” </p>
<p>The wind was his only response. </p>
<p>Aziraphale sighed, starting to think about getting up and going home. Part of him was wondering if he should stay in his cottage, Crowley knew where he was. Would that deprive Crowley of coming to this corner of the world, so that he could avoid the burdensome angel? But if he left, then Amie and Siobhán would be upset, but if he stayed would he become a burden on the two wonderful humans who invited him into their little family? </p>
<p>Aziraphale didn’t know what to do. </p>
<p>“Why did you make me a burden on everyone? Why would you curse Heaven and Earth with something like me? If it wouldn’t have meant Crowley’s death, I think I would have gladly walked into that Hellfire.” Aziraphale said as he stood up. </p>
<p>A strangled noise behind him made Aziraphale whip around. </p>
<p>Crowley stood there, holding the box from Siobhán, and he looked completely broken. </p>
<p>_________________________________</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Just a little bit more angst, dragging their feelings out, and then we will be fluff from here on out! I hope everyone is enjoying the story and I didn’t completely bungle up what I want in my head.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Love me Like you do</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>We almost to the end of this story! A little more angst, a whole lotta comfort and love, and possibly the start of a very happy ending? Who knows! I’m so glad everyone loved this story so much, it’s been a pleasure to write! </p><p>This does have a panic attack in the first part but nothing too bad.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>_______________________________</p><p>“Crowley, I-“ Aziraphale choked, feeling that familiar tightening in his chest that preceded a panic attack. </p><p>“Angel, please.” Crowley whimpered. His hands tightening slightly on the box in his hands. He could see the tension that was tightening Aziraphale’s shoulders and faintly wondered how he never saw it before. </p><p>Aziraphale’s breaths started to come out in short bursts as he tried to get the unnecessary breaths under control, but it was only getting worse. Aziraphale pitched to the side, trying to push past Crowley and back to his cottage before the panic got worse. </p><p>“Aziraphale, wait!” Crowley called, dropping the treat box and turning after Aziraphale. “Please, angel, talk to me.” </p><p>Crowley caught Aziraphale by the elbow, pulling him back. This only caused Aziraphale to trip, dragging both to the ground. Aziraphale shrunk into himself, tucking his head into his lap to make himself smaller. Crowley stared in shock as Aziraphale broke down in front of him. </p><p>“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I know you’re tired of me and I should-shouldn’t have said anything. I try, I try, Crowley I try so hard to be good and worthy but She made mistakes with me. She made me wrong and I don’t know how to fix myself. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” the words spilled out of Aziraphale just as fast as the tears fell down his face. </p><p>He kept whispering how sorry he was as he started rocking back and forth, all the while Crowley was frozen in shock. He didn’t know how to respond, in 6000 years, he never realized just how much Aziraphale carried, how tormented the angel really felt. </p><p>A choking sob left Aziraphale, spurring Crowley to finally move and react. He slid over to Aziraphale, wrapping his arms tightly around him. </p><p>“No, no, no, angel. You’re wrong. You’re not a mistake, you’re not a burden, please listen to me.” Crowley tried soothing. Aziraphale only sobbed harder, feeling torn on sinking into Crowley’s embrace or ripping himself away and running again. </p><p>Crowley made the decision for him, tightening his arms even more around Aziraphale. He kept making shushing noises, reassuring Aziraphale until the crying eased and Aziraphale’s body relaxed into his. He started running his hand through the small mass of curls at the back of Aziraphale’s head. </p><p>“Come on, angel, let’s go inside. We can talk there, is that okay?” Crowley said, standing them both up. </p><p>Aziraphale just nodded, not trusting himself to speak. He kept his head down, not looking at Crowley again. This time, however, it didn’t make Crowley mad, it only hurt him. If he’d only stopped and listened earlier, he could have avoided this whole disastrous evening and night. He bent down and grabbed the dropped treat box, grabbed Aziraphale’s hand, and guided him back to his cottage. </p><p>Aziraphale didn’t say a word at all during the short walk back, keeping his head down and his shoulders hunched, as though he was waiting for Crowley to attack him. It made Crowley want to cry and kick his own ass. </p><p>The cliffs were behind the neighborhood, so as they walked up, they entered the back garden, making Crowley’s throat clench with suppressed emotion. They entered the kitchen in the back of the cottage, Crowley immediately sitting Aziraphale down at the table, and bustling off to put the treats down and get Aziraphale some tea. </p><p>Standing there waiting for the kettle to heat, Crowley was lost in thought and didn’t hear Aziraphale coming up behind him. </p><p>“I’m sorry, Crowley.” </p><p>Turning around quickly, Crowley tried to verbalize the racing thoughts but the angel beat him to it. </p><p>“I wasn’t fair to you, I’ve not been fair to you in very long time. I’ve treated you horribly, I’ve denied our friendship, denied you, and acted like I was superior than you for the entirety of our friendship.” Aziraphale whispered. </p><p>Crowley tried to cut him off but the angel didn’t let him start. </p><p>“I have treated you abysmally for millennia, I have taken out Heaven’s abuse on me on you and that’s not fair. I am so sorry, I can only hope I can make it up and you can forgive me one day.” Aziraphale continued, still not looking at Crowley. </p><p>They stood in silence for a few minutes, Crowley trying to get his feelings under control and Aziraphale wishing the floor would open up and swallow him. </p><p>“I’m sorry, Crowley.” Aziraphale whispered, turning to flee the kitchen again. </p><p>Crowley jumped and reached out for Aziraphale, catching him by the elbow just as he reached the doorway between the kitchen and den. </p><p>“Angel, I..” Crowley tried. </p><p>Aziraphale looked up at him, his eyes immediately shifting away again, but Crowley still caught the shimmer of tears. </p><p>“I really didn’t mean to oversleep, Aziraphale. It was an accident.” Crowley said softly, hooking his finger under Aziraphale’s chin. </p><p>“Adam woke me up and I immediately tried to call you, then when the phone was disconnected, I immediately starting looking for you. I looked for 2 months solid but right after I found you, I thought you went through all this trouble to hide, maybe you didn’t want me to bother you anymore.” </p><p>Aziraphale snapped up, “No! I-“ Crowley stopped him with a finger to his lips. </p><p>“No, you have gotten your turn to talk, it’s my turn now. I know. I won’t lie and say that I wasn’t hurt badly, that I didn’t get depressed too, I guess. I figured you went to such lengths because after being stuck with me fo 12 years, in almost constant daily contact, you were tired of me. So after I thought that, I went back to sleep until Adam woke me up again. I’m sorry, Aziraphale.” Crowley said, leaning his forehead on Aziraphale’s. </p><p>Tears were falling down Aziraphale’s cheeks, tears were in Crowley’s eyes too. Aziraphale moved suddenly, Crowley thought he was being pushed away when Aziraphale wrapped his arms around Crowley’s waist. He buried his head in Crowley’s chest, the demon too stunned to respond just yet. </p><p>“Never, Crowley. I could never be tired of you, you’re perfect. I’m the one who’s caused all of this because I didn’t speak up to you. You’ve never given me a reason to think you’d mock me or tell me my thoughts and feelings were wrong. I’m so sorry for making you feel this way, Crowley! I’ll try to be better, I promise!” Aziraphale vehemently told him, voice muffled by his face being pressed into Crowley’s chest. </p><p>Crowley wrapped his arms around Aziraphale tightly. </p><p>“We will get through this together, angel. Our side, remember?” </p><p>Aziraphale sniffled and nodded, pressing himself closer to Crowley. “Our side.”</p><p>_________________________________</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I know I promised this weekend I’d update, and I’m a day late! It’s been crazy at work, at home, starting school, and then my friend graduating with her bachelor’s so we took a trip together to celebrate. </p><p>I know this chapter is short but I’m hoping to have a longer chapter out soon with the conclusion. </p><p>I hope everyone is staying safe, sane, and happy!</p><p>Comment and kudos feed my soul!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Crowley and Aziraphale stayed up all night talking. Tears were shed, hugs freely given, and understandings were found. The wounds were still there, but instead of bleeding freely, they were patched up and given healing kisses, starting the healing process and building each other back up. </p><p>They lost track of time and it was about 2 days later that Amie and Siobhán came around, making sure the two supernatural beings were still alive. Aziraphale wasted no time in pulling both women in for hugs and telling them how much he appreciated them both. Crowley hung back, not wanting to interrupt the trio, even as a small lick of jealousy crawled up. </p><p>Amie broke away from Aziraphale and Siobhán, quickly walking to Crowley and pulling him into a hug before he could stop her. </p><p>“I’m glad you’re both okay.” She whispered, pulling away from him with a smile. </p><p>Crowley didn’t know how to answer that, still reeling from her hugging him. He wasn’t the hug type, that was Aziraphale’s thing. Unless, of course, he was hugging Aziraphale or Aziraphale was hugging him. </p><p>Both women extracted promises from Aziraphale that he wouldn’t become a stranger just because his ‘boyfriend in the dark glasses’ was around again. Aziraphale sputtered, forgetting momentarily that he’d told them about the almost-apocalypse and Uriel’s comment about Crowley. He really hoped Crowley didn’t hear that comment. </p><p>Crowley heard it. </p><p>________________________________</p><p>Several nights later, Crowley and Aziraphale were in the kitchen talking about what they wanted to do.  </p><p>Aziraphale didn’t want to leave the cottage he had, the little seaside town and its inhabitants had grown on him. So he brought it up to Crowley, trying to be tactful but express to Crowley that he didn’t want to leave but they could still see each other, it wasn’t too bad of a drive or bus ride. Crowley had no hesitations in leaving London behind, however, and he didn’t even pause in telling Aziraphale that. </p><p>“Are you sure, my dear? I know how much you love the hustle of London and I don’t want you sacrificing anything else for me.” Aziraphale fretted, wringing his hands with nervous energy. He turned away from Crowley to hide the nervous energy. </p><p>Crowley shook his head, smiling softly at his angel. Walking over to the nervous angel, he pulled Aziraphale’s hands apart and held them tightly.  </p><p>“Angel, you must know by now that I’ve spent enough time away from you, that I want to be around you all the time.” Crowley told him. Don’t you know I love you, you silly angel?</p><p>Aziraphale’s breath hitched, his mind immediately pushing for him to tell Crowley he wants the same thing but stopping himself. He might be happier than he’s been in a long time, but he didn’t doubt this would end the moment he did something wrong. </p><p>Crowley noticed Aziraphale’s hesitation, his unwillingness to put into words want he wanted. </p><p>“I don’t want to give up the cooking together, the walks around this little village, and I don’t want to give you up. You’re an angel, how many times have you told me you felt love in an area? Aziraphale, you must have felt it.” Crowley implored, pulling Aziraphale’s hands to his chest. His eyes were uncovered, as they almost always were since they reunited. </p><p>It took a moment before Aziraphale caught the question. His eyes widened as 6000 years of flashes of love flew through his mind. He felt as though his breath had been knocked out of him. </p><p>“You…you love me?” Aziraphale stuttered out, completely breathless. He couldn’t believe it. </p><p>“Since Eden, angel.” Crowley answered in the same whispered tone. </p><p>“I’ve loved you every day since, from the moment you put your wing over me. You didn’t even hesitate, you sheltered a demon, the same demon who just caused the humans to be thrown out of paradise. How could I not fall in love with you?” </p><p>Reaching up, he wiped away the tears falling from Aziraphale’s eyes. </p><p>“Please say something angel.” Crowley begged. He was afraid he’d overstepped, that he misread his angel’s feelings and actions. Maybe Aziraphale didn’t love him like he loved the angel. </p><p>Aziraphale didn’t know if he was in shock or if Crowley had frozen time again. One second he’s staring wide eyed at Crowley, who’d just confessed to loving him for over 6000 years and the next his lips are on Crowley’s, pouring all the love he had into his wily demon. </p><p>_____________________________</p><p>After a few minutes, they broke apart, Aziraphale cupped Crowley’s face. Complete joy and love shining in both pairs of eyes for each other. </p><p>“I love you too, dearheart.” </p><p>_______________________________</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you guys so much for putting up with this story and my ridiculous non-existent update schedule!! </p><p>I am so sorry it took forever to get this last chapter out, it’s been a crazy few months. Hurricane Laura swept through, destroying my area worse than Hurricane Rita did in 2005. I had to pack myself up and move to New Mexico to keep my job and between that, school, and then depression over not being with my family (I won’t be able to go home until November 7th), it’s been ridiculous lol. But we are done with this story! I know it’s anticlimactic but I couldn’t for the life of me figure out how to finish this story. I’ll most likely add an ‘alternative ending’ chapter at a later date. </p><p>I am starting on another story soon so be on the look out for that!! :D</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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